with Tymira Mack

Born and raised in South Florida, author and motivational speaker Tymira Williams Mack admits that she was once a master at accumulating lists. And while she is proud of her list of accomplishments – including a Bachelors degree in Business Economics from Florida A & M University, a Masters degree in Public Administration from Florida State University and a 10+ year history of public service – she derives her greatest sense of personal satisfaction from a calling to share her most private list.

Tymira readily admits that her extreme sexual promiscuity between age 14 - 24, resulted in a negative list that far outweighed any of her accomplishments; and, concedes that years of attempting to mask the ‘dirty laundry’ on her list – lust, fornication, pride, envy, deceit, jealousy, drug use, and abuse – once exacted an overwhelming emotional and physical toll on her life. Now Tymira devotes her time teaching teens to value their bodies through the practice of abstinence until marriage; and, to encouraging women to forgive themselves for their past indiscretions.

She currently resides South Florida with her husband Derrick, and their three children: Taylor, Kennedy, and Chandler.   You can read more about Tymira Mack and her book The List at www.tymack.com.

Urban Reviews: Can you tell us about The List and what you are trying to get across with this book?
Tymira Mack: The book is called THE LIST.  Every Girl Has a Story That She Must Someday Be Woman Enough to Tell.  And while it’s true that everyone does have a story, how many are brave enough to tell?  In THE LIST.  I offer readers a voyeuristic look inside my conscious as I made numerous errors in judgment while simply being what I considered a “normal” teen.  The book takes readers on a 10 year journey (between the age of 14 and 24), allowing them to travel with me through almost every conceivable emotion – lust, pride, envy, deception, and abuse – until my life ends up spinning out of control.  In the end readers will hopefully come away with the same feeling that I had as I faced the harsh reality that eventually “you do reap what you sow.”

UR: What made you decide to share your very personal story to the world?
TM: A little over two years ago, I sort of had a 2:00 am “Damascus Road” type of experience where God gave me a final warning to heed his calling to share my life story.  Thankfully, I was awakened before he got to the “or else” part; but, the experience weighed heavily on my heart and my mind.  About a month later, I found myself standing (in total fear) in front of a group of about 19 street-wise teenagers, and God gave me the courage to tell them my “story.” As soon as I finished speaking, I felt a sense of complete freedom and unspeakable joy.  Although I couldn’t articulate what had happened in that moment, I was sure that from that point on, my life would never been the same.    Now I simply explain to people that I do, what I do, not by my will, but that God’s will be done!      

UR: How is your message of abstinence until marriage being received by teens and young adult women?
TM: Even though at the outset God assured me that the book would touch and change at least a million lives, I’m still awestruck by the reception that it’s getting and by the personal testimonies that readers e-mail to me.  Because I’m also a motivational speaker, I have an opportunity to tell lots of people my story face to face, which is even more fulfilling because I’m always refreshed when I see teens that are wide-eyed, gap-mouthed and attentive to the message.  I can’t offer any stats on the number of teens who’ve make and kept an abstinence vow, but I know by the gratitude that they’ve shown me for being an adult that “keeps it real;”  that  I’ve at least sown seeds which prayerfully will yield a bountiful harvest.      In terms of adult readers, there have been so many women who tell me that reading the book was as if looking in a mirror.  My biggest surprise however came when I learned how many men & teen boys and husbands have been peeking thru the pages out of curiosity about what’s in this book that has suddenly captivated the attention of their significant others.

UR: In today's society, do you think that abstinence education is still effective versus the "safe sex" philosophy?
TM: Unfortunately you’re right, music, television, videos and advertisers have been more effective in spreading the “Safer (not safe) Sex” message than have the proponents of the abstinence message.  In fact until recently, many of the larger, more established abstinence supporters have not looked or spoken like many of the boys, girls, women and men “in the hood;” thus, their abstinence message has been less effective in our communities.    This factor is perhaps most unfortunate for those of us living and working in urban, ethnic communities.  Why?  Because there are so many people in our communities, particularly African-Americans, who do not realize that besides all the notoriety given to HIV/AIDS, even with condom use people are still at risk for contracting other “lifetime” or “life-threatening” STD’s – such as Genital Herpes, Genital Warts, Chlamydia, etc.     That’s why it’s going to take more people who look like me and are willing to keep it real like me, to effectively spread the truth about the flaws in the “Safer Sex” message within our urban communities.      Who could deny the urgency once you consider the some of the alarming statistics as found in the 2004 Center’s for Disease Control AIDS Surveillance Report including:  the rate of AIDS diagnosis for Black women is 25 times higher than white women and 4 times higher than Hispanics; and, reported cases of STD’s were occurring most frequently among young African American women between 15 – 24 years old?

UR: How does one start confronting their own list?
TM: In the reflections section of the book, I describe a three step process which virtually anyone can use to literally place a ‘period’ on the end of their dirty little laundry lists.  The process includes ACKNOWLEDGING the list; ANALYZING the list; and ABSOLVING oneself for accumulating the list.   

UR: Once someone starts to change their lives for the better, what pitfalls should they watch out for?
TM: They should watch out for criticism, complacency and comfort.  COMFORT, the tendency to continually gravitate toward those things which have become familiar to us.  CRITICISM, the tendency to listen to the nay-sayers who don’t believe in, or are envious of our efforts toward positive change.  COMPLACENCY, a tendency to get comfortable with our recent accomplishments and a failure to focus on continual improvement.  

UR: Was this book hard to pitch to major publishing houses or did you just decide to publish this book on your own?
TM: I actually decided to self-publish at the outset for two main reasons – control and timing.  First, I knew the voice that I wanted to write in and I was very hesitant to give up “creative control” of my urban voice to have a more “mass-market/ commercial” appeal.  And, second even if I would have been “lucky” enough as a first time author to get a major publishing house to accept my manuscript, the whole process from acceptance to printing would have taken anywhere from 9 – 18 months.  When I considered the risks that many in my target audience face on a daily basis, a 9 – 18 month delay in getting the message out was simply not an option.

UR: How did your family react when you told them that you were releasing a book that detailed your past sexual promiscuity?
TM: Wow!  My husband was my biggest supporter.  He urged me on whenever I felt overwhelmed and reminded me to focus on the lives that would be impacted by my testimony.  And, although he’s never once said anything discouraging, I’m sure that being supportive took a lot of mature prayer on his part (considering all the raw stuff that I reveal in the book).       My kids (age 3, 7 and 8) love to advertise my book and tell people that “mommy teaches teenagers not to have sex before they get married.”  They can also tell you that “mommy has a disease that she got because she decided to have sex before she got married” (a fact that sometimes raises a few eyebrows at the conservative Christian school that they attend.)        As for my parents?  Well, my mom was stunned, and readily admits that in some instances she didn’t even recognize “the person” in the book.  But being a strong woman of faith, she is proud that I’ve changed my life and am devoted to doing the work that God has called me to do.   My dad has always been my best buddy and confidant.  Although he says he was surprised by a few of my revelations, over all he’s just plain old proud.      And, believe it or not, my 88 year old blue-haired (that’s right blue haired) grandma is my best local salesperson.  She promotes the book at her church activities, at her sorority meetings, and at her job as a school volunteer. 

UR: At what age should a parent begin discussing sex and abstinence? How do they go about doing this?
TM: This is such a difficult question.  First parents should know that it’s never to early to instill in their kids that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and that their bodies are a temple of the Lord.  As far as introducing the topic of sex and abstinence, they should take cues from their kids.  As they begin asking questions, (even as early as 5 or 6) parents should seek to give them age appropriate answers, always striving to include the fact that sex is a “good” thing given by God to be enjoyed within a marriage relationship.  By the time that they become teens, and their questions and attitudes temporarily become more difficult, parents can move on to the scared strait “tactic” of exposing the little know-it-alls to the true “realities” of choosing not to practice abstinence.  Even when it seems that they aren’t listening, parents should take refuge in the fact that they’ve done their best to plant the abstinence message, and continually pray that it has taken root. 

UR: What other resources are available for those who want to know more about abstinence?
TM: Although I have not personally settled on any one particular abstinence curricula as comprehensively meeting the needs of the communities that I target (that’s why I wrote the book), there are certainly a number of very good curricula available on-line that parents can select from.  Information can also be obtained from most State Health Departments who’ve received Federal funding to provide statewide abstinence education for teen populations.  Lastly, there are two organizations, The Abstinence Clearinghouse and the Institute for Youth Development, whose website include a number of resources for parents and educators. 

UR: Any final words for us?
TM: I’d just like to thank Urban-Reviews.com and so many others for supporting the book.  And would like to remind everyone that no matter what immoral, embarrassing or undesirable things we’ve done in our lives, every day through grace, God grants us new opportunities to place a period on the end of our “lists” and start anew.

Read more about Tymira Mack at her website: http://www.tymack.com.

Order Tymira Mack's The List
directly from her site!


Don't forget to check out the review of The List in the AA Fiction section under the "Out of The Box" section.